New Study Finds That Waking Up Causes Cancer

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In a new study out of the University of California Los Angeles, researchers found that waking up in the morning increases one’s chance of developing cancer. The findings shocked the medical community.

“It seems every day researchers were telling us something else would cause cancer. The sun, smoking, meat, salads…everything seems to cause cancer these days,” Jean Criss, a 41-year-old New Yorker said.

The study followed 500 participants who had no family history of the disease. Half of the group woke up every day, while the other half were put into a coma. Those who woke every day were 70 percent more likely to develop the disease than those who remained in a coma.

“It’s shocking, but I don’t expect to make any great changes any time soon,” Criss said.

Doctors are now warning people to turn off their alarms in the morning and use as many sleeping pills* as possible to reduce the chances of developing cancer.

*Sleeping pills also have been proven to cause cancer